WVBA Megazine: Special Interviews!
by KnightMysterio
Summary: A series of interviews with the boxers of the WVBA, specifically their thoughts on Little Mac and how fighting him felt... Features every boxer from every game, not just the current Punch-Out!. Rated for language in later chapters. Chpt 4: Gabby Jay
1. Sturdy Glass

_**Interviews**_

_**By Jonathan "KnightMysterio" Spires**_

All characters copyrighted to Nintendo and used without permission for non-profit amusement reasons. Comments, compliments, and constructive criticism is appreciated and encouraged.

=== Chapter 1: Glass Joe ===

Ah, bonjour! I'm so very glad to see you, monsieur, although somewhat surprised. After all, you are from the premier boxing magazine in the world. My career has not been that notable, and aside from one fight with my student, Gabby Jay, I…

Oh.

You wish to talk about him, eh?

Monsieur Little Mac….

Ah, yes… Of the many losses I had, that was a strange one… I knew, somehow, that the boy would be going places in short order…

I've been defeated so many times, and yet losing to him…

Strangely, I think it was the loss I felt the worst about…

I never really took boxing seriously to start with. That's probably why I lost so much. Believe it or not, I first entered the World Video Boxing Association as a way of winning a bet with a friend.

My bad luck, my first opponent was Mister Sandman.

Three guesses how that match went.

After that, I started getting into my matches more. Despite my constant losses, I actually was having fun and enjoying myself. Granted, one hit to the right place on my jaw and I fell like the American stock market during the twenties, but I still was managing to enjoy my life.

Okay, okay, low blow. No more jokes about America. (Where you can hear them, at least…)

Mostly, I enjoy performing, as well as the athletic exertion. I've never been in better shape physically, barring the concussions and occasional missing teeth. I swear, the dentist the Association has working for them is a miracle worker.

And contrary to popular belief, I do actually try to make an effort to win in each match.

I'm just… well, not very good.

…

Little Mac…

I had just come off my 99th loss, again to Mister Sandman. I think I was still feeling the aftereffects of that uppercut combination of his, but whatever the reason, I was feeling confident. Every opponent I had faced until then, the Bruiser brothers, Mister Sandman, Super Macho Man, Heike Kagero, Dragon Chan, they were all larger than me in height, build, or both.

But this little child? This small thing?

He was little indeed. I was certain I could beat him. I had gotten better with each match. I even managed to hit Mister Sandman a couple times in our fifth rematch! Surely I could beat this tiny little child before me…

…

I haven't been beaten that decisively since my first match against Mister Sandman…

None of my punches could even touch him. It was so different from Mister Sandman, who just overpowered me with his raw, unyielding strength. Little Mac, he practically danced around the ring. No matter what I did, I couldn't even lay a glove on him…

Then he hit me with that one move of his… I think he calls it the Starlight Uppercut…

I was certainly seeing stars as I hit the mat…

Ah, Little Mac… Tres bon, you are.

I'm actually grateful for you.

You showed me what it means to take boxing seriously. I can do better now, I know I can.

And one day, I will be the one whose arm is raised in triumph as I stand over your battered, unconscious form.

Yes… One day…

Hnh? Who am I facing in my next bout? Let me check, I have it written down somewhere…

…

Mon dieu… Bald Bull…

Well… I stand by what I said. One day I'll beat Little Mac.

…

Just… not for a while…


	2. Nothing Special

=== Chapter 2: Kid Quick ===

Kid Quick? Damn, I ain't used that name in years…

Why'd you wanna interview me, anyway? I haven't been in the boxing ring since that debacle with Little Mac when he was first startin' out on the Minor Circuit.

Oh? Okay, that makes sense. Little Mac's dominatin' the Association, you wanna interview everyone who's done battle with him.

Go first into m'self, you say? Well, okay, but there ain't much to tell. I was always more of a track and field man m'self, but I got talked into headin' into boxing. Because of my foot speed and all around agility, I quickly got dubbed Kid Quick. I even managed to score a good record as well.

Here's the thing, though…

I really wasn't all that special. Aside from m'speed, I was pretty much a generic black guy boxer. I could never get out of the Minor Circuit because of that damn fatass King Hippo, but I could keep other boxers on the run. Granted, I was almost as much of a joke as Glass Joe, it's just that I didn't have much of a gimmick.

…Yeah, that's pretty much it. Whattaya want from me? At no point did I say I'd be givin' you anything interesting. You want interesting, go talk to Von Kaiser. Dude got ISSUES.

Just don't mention the word Nazi around him. Berserk button if there ever was one. Damn near cost Mister Sandman the title when he called Von Kaiser one…

You're going to interview him after me? 'Kay then, that's cool. I'll let him tell you about that.

As for why I retired after my match with Little Mac?

Hell, just watchin' the tape that should be obvious. I got OWNED, man! I got beat up, beat down, beat left, beat right, then he hit that damn super uppercut of his and I hit the mat. One through ten, and I'm done. Sheesh…

That kinda domination from a guy who's smaller than you, you know it's time to cash it in.

Am I regretful? Not really. I got a good job now, and I'm gettin' back into track… Hell, if I win a lot, I might even start callin' m'self Kid Quick again…


	3. German Pride

=== Chapter 3: Von Kaiser ===

Grüße, Zeitschriftenperson. Ich bin das große und mächtige Von Kaiser.

Hnh? You do not speak German?

Well, that is because you are STUPID.

Why do you wish to speak to the Magnificence of the Minor Circuit?

…Yes, I know that stupid old fool Gabby Jay recently pulled ahead of me in the ranking. Fight Glass Joe enough and you'll advance in the ranks as well. If you check the Gottfluch fight records, you'll see that every fight I've had with Gabby Jay ended with him in a bloody mess on the mat.

Why am I acting so haughty when I have not broken out of the Minor Circuit? Simple: I do not let the little things get me down. My time will come. I grow in strength with each fight. Soon I shall make König Hippo eat his crown, and move my way up the ranks.

Why? I am GERMAN. And Germany, barring a… rather, ah… 'unfortunate series of events' in the forties and fifties, has always produced the highest quality of man. Look at Sandman! He is dark-skinned, true, but that sort of power can only come from German stock.

…

Yes, I'm serious.

Stop laughing.

Stop it. Stop it stop IT STOPIT!!

I don't need you laughing at me! I am a grand fighter, you hear me!? That stupid little boy got LUCKY!!! I DID NOT GO DOWN CRYING TO A TEN YEAR OLD!

Ich bin DEUTSCH! Ich bin der Stolz des Vaterlands! Ich bin Von Kaiser, der größte Boxer, der überhaupt lebte! Kein bloßes Kind kann mich, I…

Ahem.

Sorry. What were you saying again?

…Ah. Him. You wish to talk about him.

Little Mac.

…He is a child. And yet he has such speed… His arms were like machineguns…

I wouldn't know if they were like those guns, you presumptuous little fool, my father didn't support him and defected to the United States at the beginning of the war. Not all Germans follow that path, despite what American bigots may think.

Good.

I accept your apology.

Just remember that I can end this interview in a single punch.

As for Little Mac…

*sighs* Yes, it was unbelievable. All my skills, all my training, and he still defeated me. Blast it all, Glass Joe gave him a harder time…

It's made me rethink my entire fighting style, something I thought I'd never have to do.

That child defeated me in a single round…

Children…

Dearest mother, save me from children…

Bleh, I do not feel like speaking of this anymore. I've given you my opinion of Little Mac, now go away. Go interview Gabby Jay. See what that little weakling has to say.

Heh, see if he will talk about what happened the first time he and I fought… Even Sandman's beatings weren't as traumatizing… Ha ha ha…

HA HA HA HA HA!!!

LITTLE MAC!! ICH WERDE NICHT NOCH GESCHLAGEN! ICH BEENDE SIE, KLEINES KIND! ICH GEWINNE MEINE EHRE WIEDER!


	4. Blah Blah Blah

=== Chapter 4: Gabby Jay ===

Hey, are you here to interview me? Wow, that's great! No one's ever wanted to interview me before. Back in high school, I was the head of the school newspaper, so I did all the interviewing myself. But did anyone want to interview me? Nope, they didn't. I was all alone, no real friends other than the staff at the newspaper. I guess they counted as friends, but they were all kinda jerks. Most of them were jocks who chose to work there because they had to take some kind of extracurricular activity and guess what? The newspaper was the easiest. I think they had fantasies about being paparazzi, though they weren't very good at it. They kept getting caught. Hey, do you like video games? Are you from G4? I like G4, although I wish they'd show more gaming stuff rather than movies and dumb content. Super Mario Brothers was SOOOO underrated. Granted, I know that a lot of people hated it, and it's supposed to be Princess Peach instead of Daisy, but they can't complain too much, right? I mean, they had Daisy be Luigi's girlfriend, and Daisy and Luigi are a couple in the normal canon, right? And I really think they made too much of Bowser being human in this one. I mean, it's a live action movie, they can only do so much with CGI, right? I didn't like the fact that the Goombas were lizard-people, though, or that the Koopa Troopas didn't have shells. To be perfectly honest, I couldn't really tell the difference between the Goombas and the Koopa Troopas. Or maybe they were all Goombas and he just called them the Koopa Troop. Whatever, I still liked the movie. I love video game movies. Raul Julia was SOOO awesome in Street Fighter. Some people say he was kinda hammy, but so's Bison in the real games. And they griped about Jean Claude Van Damme being Guile, making fun of his accent, but they obviously haven't played the games. SONIKKU BOOMU! Heh. People can be so stupid. They just don't know what's good. Like Catwoman, right? So what if it wasn't about Selina Kyle, it was a good movie! Take it on its own merits, people! And Halle Berry is sexy no matter what movie she's in! That one line before she zapped Toad in X-Men? Pure awesome. Heh. Hey, speaking of comics, what'd ya think of the way Marvel's going now, right? I think it's pretty cool. Yeah, One More Day was a joke, and killing off Wasp sucked, but Norman Osborn in command! Ultimate evil alliance! WHOO! So cool. So awesome. Sometimes I wish I were evil. I'm just too nice a guy, I guess. That isn't to say the heroes aren't cool. Like Spider-Man. He's cool. He gets all the girls. I don't know why he complains about 'Parker Luck' all the time. All those boobies in his face, he's gotta get action sometime. No way he doesn't. If he doesn't, then there's no justice in the world. He's gotta be gettin' some on all different sides. Silver Sable, Mary-Jane, Black Cat, Gwen Stacy, all those other super-chicks… He's the Spider-Pimp, baby! Ain't nobody cooler than Spider-Man. Except maybe Batman. One of the best ways to judge a good guy is by how cool his bad guys are, and Batman's got some of the coolest. Joker, Penguin, Two-Face, that luscious hotty Catwoman, the gorgeous Poison Ivy, Mister Freeze, the Riddler… All totally awesome. The best. And even without them Batman's cool. He's got gadgets, he's rich, he gets the girls without even trying… I mean, even WONDER WOMAN, the ultimate hotty of the DC Universe, wanted to jump his bones. I mean, that's not fair! How come all the hot girls want to get in bed and do the horizontal hotstep with him! I mean, I know I'm old, but dangit, I'm not that old! I'm buff, I'm hot, I'm…

OW!!!

Why'd you hit me?

…Little who?

Little dude that beat me?

…I'm sorry, you're gonna have to be more specific. At this point all the faces of the people who've beaten me up sorta blur together. Y'know, funny story about that. My uncle, he had bad vision. Heck, he was darn near blind. But he drove his whole life, never got a ticket. Always insisted on driving. Gave Mom heart attacks it did. Well, almost at least. I've only read a few cases where bad driving has ended up in a heart attack. Oooh! Speaking of bad driving…

*interview ends, as the interviewer has snapped completely from listening to Gabby Jay's inane, endless chatter and gone completely nuts, pounding Gabby Jay into the floor*


End file.
